The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
