You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
