i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Randomize
