I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
