just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
high people should be assigned attendants
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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