Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
