Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
