Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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