i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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