Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
