Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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