she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
