It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
