I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
a search helicopter?!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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