I have demons in me.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
