In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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