Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize