I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
