Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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