I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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