she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
