this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
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You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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