there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it's like heaven, but drunker
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
