I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
