I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
