Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
