I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
