He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
