i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
