I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
