how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
