There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
