I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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