Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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