we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
