i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
