My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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