I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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