You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
