What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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