Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
