I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize