he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
