we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
