if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
