Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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