Fine. I'll sleep in my office
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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