Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
