you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
