The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
