had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
