it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
