So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
