I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
