I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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