he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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