Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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