My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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