She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i now understand why vodka
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
