id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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