This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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