We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
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You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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