Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
