i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
