What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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