3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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