chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
