I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think my vagina is haunted
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
