Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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