just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
