Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
