Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
