Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
