Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
